The love languages and me....

The love languages and me

March 13, 2022February 17, 2021 by Diana Padilla

Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the 5 love languages, has written about how people feel loved. As February is the month of “Love.” What does love look like to everyone? To some it is a kiss. To others it is receiving a gift. For others it is sweet words. To some it is fresh brewed coffee made in the morning. To others it is one on one time. The previous examples according to Dr. Chapman are love languages. Dr. Chapman named the 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. Love languages can be used in all relationships even the relationship with yourself. The relationship with one self’s is the first relationship, longest relationship, and most important relationship one will have as it sets the base for all your other relationships. Now you are probably wondering how I can show myself love with the 5 love languages. The truth is you probably do things already to show yourself love. Here are some examples: Words of Affirmation: Tell yourself “You are doing great!” “I love you.” “You look amazing.” Acts of Service: Have the coffee maker set for the morning, buy the items you prefer (when possible). Receiving Gifts: Plan for a monthly gift or have a monthly subscription (if possible.) Save for bigger gifts. Quality Time: Spend time with yourself doing what you enjoy, take a nap, or watch a show you like. Physical Touch: Give yourself a massage, hug yourself, or sleep with a body pillow. During the day of love, the month of love, remember every day is a day of love. Every day is a day to love yourself first, to love others, to receive love and to see love in everything and everyone. Most importantly, to love yourself first is to know what is love.

Money is a Tool

March 13, 2022January 19, 2021 by Diana Padilla

Money has always been a desire for most people. Money can give us many things and seems to be an end to all. On the contrary, it is the start of everything. The pandemic has changed everything for everyone; however, the perspective of the money is still the same: Money helps you with your goals (Webb, 2020). Everyone has different goals and one’s goals may have changed since the last year. No matter your goals, keeping the perspective of money is a tool will help you financially, mentally, and emotionally. Money is money, it is the meaning we give to money that shapes one’s perspective. What mean have you been giving money? Has that view change since the pandemic? Prior to 2020, many people were most likely saying: “I am planning several vacations this year.” “We are buying a home.” “We are starting a business.” “I am paying my debut off.” People have different views now. One person may say, “I can’t pay my rent.” The next person could say, “I’ve been using my credit cards to pay for expenses.” Another person might say, “I don’t have any additional funds to pay my debut. The person after can say, “My hours have been reduced at work.” Now the question is, “How can I see money as a tool?” A tool is “anything used as a means of accomplishing a task or purpose (Random House, 2010).” What are the tasks or purposes you have for money? How much can money help you live out your dreams and goals? Whatever the goal, whatever the amount, money can be used as tool to live your life purposefully. Webb, Keith. “How To View Money As A Tool, Not The Goal.” Keith Webb, 8 June 2020, keithwebb.com/how-to-view-money-as-a-tool-not-the-goal/ tool. (n.d.) Random House Kernerman Webster’s College Dictionary. (2010). Retrieved January 10 2021 from https://www.thefreedictionary.com/tool

So you are talking, what’s in the mind of the clinician?

March 13, 2022August 13, 2020 by Christopher L. Smith

Some clients wonder what is going on in their clinician’s head. What are the therapist’s thoughts? It is one of the mysteries that exist in the counseling room. In good sessions, it is not uncommon or the client to be talking most of the time, and the clinician only inserting into the conversation every so often. So what is the clinician thinking during all that time that the client is talking? Client Focused Thoughts Clinicians do a lot of thinking as part of their listening when a client is talking. The therapist’s thoughts will differ somewhat between therapists based on the individuality of the therapist as well as from their theoretical approach to therapy. It will also vary from day to day and client to client simply based on the fact that the therapist is human. Here are some of the things that could be going on in the therapist’s head: what the client is saying how the client is saying what they are saying what the client is not saying and whether it is important is there some detail here that needs to be remembered (like a name or date) what is the client communicating outside of what they are verbalizing (body language, tone, pace, etc) what are the emotions involved both at the time of what they are describing as well as as they are relating it now in session how well did the client use the skills that have been worked on in therapy and is there more work to do in this regard is there a meta story over the top of what the client is saying how does what is being told relate to the client’s issues and what is already known in the therapeutic journey so far what does this tell about our treatment plan and progress is there a curve ball within what is being said that recommends re-evaluating what is going on in terms of diagnosis or treatment is there a part of what is being said that would help the client if they were to hear it being repeated back to them what of what is being said do I need to let the client know another person has heard what part of what they are saying will be a good path to keep going down (could be to get more information, could be because it seems the client wants relief in a particular area, could be that it would be good in advancing the treatment, etc) basic questions such as whether the client is making sense, whether thought patterns are coherent, whether the client is having problems with memory or orientation, whether the speech is indicative of the client possibly being under the influence, etc Such a list could seem like there is a lot that the clinician is listening to and thinking about. It could even make you self-conscious if you were the client. It shouldn’t. What it really means is that the clinician is being an active listener, trying to hear what you are really saying and trying to put it into the context of your work together. The Thoughts Behind the Thoughts The therapist’s thoughts will not only be focused on the client. When I train clinicians, I teach them to be meta (thinking about the thoughts that are behind what is on the surface). Sometimes these other thoughts will influence what is heard when listening to a client. At times, it can even make it so that the clinician is not really listening but getting lost in their thoughts or just drifting. So, many therapists intentionally try to also think about the meta in order to help them be with the client. This leads to focusing on things like: is what the client is saying creating an emotional response (of any sort) in me and why how am I feeling as I am sitting here and is that getting in my way of listening are there things that are distracting me right now (could be something seen for the first time like a client’s tattoo, could be a noise outside like a passing ambulance, could be anything coming into the room for the clinician) am I not fully present because of being physically uncomfortable (something going on in my own body, the way I am sitting, the temperature of the room), where is that coming from and what can I do about it am I judging myself as a therapist rather than really listening to what is going on do I need to adjust my plan for working with the client how are we doing on time, with the time left do I need to move the conversation to have time for us to address what is being said and/or will we come to a nice ending at the right time have I gathered all the information I need to document this session (especially when there are things that are only periodically assessed) Therapist’s Thoughts as a Human Then there are things that go on in the clinician’s head that are just part of their humanness. Clinicians try to minimize out these just human thoughts, but clinicians aren’t perfect and still have them. Samples of these are: who am I seeing next haven’t I heard this story before (or even several times before) – can I hear it again in a way that helps me see something different or that things are reinforced rather than me tuning it out what do I have planned later today after seeing clients, tomorrow, this weekend did I lock the door when I left home to come to work who is picking my child up from school I went to the bathroom before coming into session, did I zip up my fly Interesting music just passed by the window So, hopefully this gives you an idea of some of things that are on the mind of your clinician while you are talking. Of course, you should also feel free … Read more

Step by step instructions to Interview a Potential Therapist.

March 13, 2022August 6, 2020 by Christopher L. Smith

Twenty Three Questions to Ask While this rundown has 23 inquiries on it, you don’t have to solicit all from them. Nonetheless, this rundown should give you a few thoughts regarding what you could approach to show signs of improvement feel for a potential adviser. While assessing, focus on the appropriate responses, and to how they answer the inquiries. 23 Questions to Ask a Potential Therapist (1) Do you take my protection?This has gotten progressively significant, particularly on the off chance that you have no inclusion for individuals who are outside your system. A potential specialist won’t be a specialist on your individual arrangement – yet they can disclose to you whether they are in a system with your protection supplier. (2) What license(s) do you need to be an adviser and to what extent have you been rehearsing?There are various kinds of advisers, for example, social laborers, marriage and family advisers, emotional well-being or expert mentors, analysts, specialists, and so on., and every claim to fame has its own particular manner of moving toward treatment. (Get familiar with the various sorts of advisers and discover which is best for you) (3) What experience do you have working with the kinds of issues I am encountering?By and large, having some understanding or if nothing else preparing in your concern region would be significant. (4) What is your way to deal with doing treatment in a circumstance, for example, this one? There are numerous ways of thinking in the treatment network and the adviser may not be prepared to state what they think will be best for you. (5) What has your prosperity rate been with issues this way? It’s valuable to know how regular treatment can help, yet remember that most specialists don’t keep measurements in a similar way that a specialist may. It is likewise basic for an adviser to have a few disappointments just as victories, so tune in for genuine exposure in how the specialist answers. (6) In working with a patient or customer, do you will, in general, increasingly order or progressively like an expert to the patient or client? There are times while having an order specialist can be useful yet there are additionally times when it is a great idea to have all the more a guide on a way and to be more in charge as a customer. Which do you need or need? (7) What kinds of things would you anticipate that I should do between meetings, on the off chance that anything?This will enable you to comprehend what the specialist is probably going to anticipate from you. (8) Depict to me your optimal patient or client. Does this sound like you? (9) What patients or clients do that truly bother you? (10) What occurs on the off chance that I can’t make an appointment? (11) What occurs on the off chance that I am late for a meeting? (12) On the off chance that I begin having loads of issues between meetings, what are my alternatives? (13) Are your meeting times adaptable or will I get my own opening? (14) When you are away, what befalls my treatment? (15) Do you consistently make customers sit tight for their meetings or do they start on schedule? (16) Do you have a comprehension of my point of view as a ____? (This could be founded on sexual orientation, social, race, ethnicity, and so on) (17) Do you do telephone meetings on the off chance that I need something at an alternate time? (18) In the event that I needed to bring another person to a meeting, would that be an issue? (19) What might I need to do to be prepared for the primary meeting? (20) Does ___ need to get some answers concerning what I am really going after?This could be your manager, parent or other relatives. (21) What isn’t private and classified about what we do? (22) I’ve never been getting help, will it feel abnormal? (23) Do you want to support me? This is actually a key inquiry as your trust in their conviction is extremely significant.

Step by Step Instructions to Help a Teen Friend When She is Hurting Herself

March 13, 2022July 30, 2020 by Christopher L. Smith

On the off chance that you vowed to keep a companion’s secret about self-hurt – you have to break that guarantee. Peruse on to discover why… Adolescents regularly guarantee to stay quiet. On occasion, these secrets can be about genuine things. You may not comprehend what is engaged with the secret, particularly when you make the guarantee to keep it. One case of this would be if the secret was that a companion was deliberately consuming herself with a lighter. What might you do if you had been made to vow to not educate any guardians or instructors regarding the scars? It is anything but a simple circumstance, particularly when you don’t generally comprehend the issue. Why People Self-Harm There are various reasons why somebody might be deliberately harming themselves — The most well-known explanation, particularly among youngsters, is that encountering this kind of physical agony is an approach to manage and briefly experience some different options from passionate torment. Right now physical agony turns into an approach to occupy their consideration away from what they are having issues managing inwardly. — Another explanation can be to get consideration and to control individuals in a relationship. Individuals (particularly companions) can communicate a great deal of compassion and consideration, regardless of whether the entire circumstance is being stayed discreet. Right now circumstance, making a companion concerned however not ready to discuss it with others keeps that and conceivably different companions appended and concerned. — In different cases, individuals will hurt themselves to attempt to “deform” themselves to turn out to be less alluring to shield themselves from specific sorts of consideration, especially if that consideration has been related to negative encounters. The Possibility of Underlying Mental Health Conditions There are additionally various fundamental states of mind that could be included and you can’t in any way, shape or form an attempt to analyze these issues. The primary concern, paying little mind to any guarantees made, is that that companion needs assistance. The best activity is to help your companion find support from certified psychological well-being proficient in the network Your companion might have the option to do this all alone. On the off chance that they can’t, cautiously take a gander at the guarantee that was made. Would you be able to utilize an escape clause to connect with other concerned grown-ups (other than guardians or educators, right now) you can go to for help? In pondering different grown-ups to go to, consider grown-ups, for example, strict pioneers, action pioneers, advocates, and school psychologists. If there is nobody else and the youngster sharing the secret is reluctant to look for help, you may need to disclose to them this is not kidding enough that the guarantee can’t be respected. Managing their response is justified, despite all the trouble to protect their well being and security and perhaps their life. Also, with assistance, the two young people will have the option to move towards a spot where they can encounter more harmony and completeness, independently and together.

Offering Ultimatums to Teens – A Word of Caution

March 13, 2022July 23, 2020 by Christopher L. Smith

Parents frequently battle with how to draw and authorize limits for their adolescent kid. For instance, think about the accompanying circumstance: Envision your seventeen year-old little girl needs to go to a gathering on a weeknight – something that you are completely against of. The evening of the gathering, she exits the entryway so you mention to her to consider what she is doing. She gives you a look. In answer, you disclose to her that in the event that she can’t comply with the standards, at that point she can’t remain in the house. She reacts furiously to you, and you rebuked and told her to not return home on the off chance that she exits now. In addition to the fact that she walks out she doesn’t return home that night nor the following day. You are stressed over her. She’s been an order issue and now you feel confined. Feeling Boxed In —On the off chance that you don’t uphold your risk, how might you shield her from awful decisions any longer? — How might you abstain from being slighted by her? — Is there still an approach to not request that her leave and still get her to change her conduct? Making dangers, particularly when irate, isn’t commonly a smart thought. This is particularly the situation when attempting to parent an adolescent. The issue right now is that you made an “impossible to win” circumstance: Neither you nor your little girl is getting a result that is actually a success. You wind up in a circumstance of picking between similarly inadmissible alternatives. You are presently left not having the option to give the fundamental consideration that is a duty of child rearing; yet you need to do this while likewise giving sensible structure. Staying away from Ultimatum Situations Here’s a recommendation for circumstances like the one portrayed previously: Abstain from giving teenagers An ‘A’ or ‘not A’ with outcomes sort of decision. — Numerous parents give this kind of decision to youngsters. In the event that they picked A (the ideal result), everything is great. On the off chance that they picked ‘not an ‘A” at that point either the outcomes kick in or it debilitates the child rearing. — This is particularly tricky when the results are expansive and not so much likely or ready to be implemented, (for example, NEVER getting back home). A Better Idea — A better arrangement in such circumstances is to offer the youngster (particularly an adolescent) a scope of decisions, ideally with every one of them being worthy to you as the parent. A Failed Ultimatum – The Aftermath In any case, back to the circumstance depicted towards the beginning of this article. You would have a scope of choices accessible to you: — On the off chance that your young person is really crazy, in a hazardous way, you could converse with your neighborhood child welfare assistance office about them being distinguished as “a youngster needing administrations”. — You could perceive how your kid does in another condition – going through the late spring with an away relative is an open door that might be suitable, particularly on the off chance that it is auspicious. — You could engage the possibility of the youngster getting back restrictively after talking about limits for that – and to be best this needs to be a conversation. With as troublesome as the relationship may have become, you might need to utilize a marriage and family adviser to help encourage that discussion. Considering a Marriage and Family Therapist On the off chance that you choose to search out a marriage and family adviser, that individual may even demonstrate accommodating over the more extended term. — Going this course isn’t simply surrendering, it despite everything communicates love and mindful, and it has the chance of laying preparation for what’s to come. — With everybody working at it and growing better approaches for relating, it is conceivable to get past these occasions and set up ways for harmony and completeness in your youngster’s life just as in your lives. This doesn’t imply that you will be liberated from the difficulties that happen during the high school years, however you will have the option to explore these in a manner that is better for everybody included and can bring about “win-win circumstances”.

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