This article is extracted from “This is NOT a Second Honeymoon: Helping Couples Survive Spending A Lot of Time Together”, a book that was written by Christopher L. Smith to help couples during the COVID-19 pandemic. In his clinical work, he realized that couples being quarantined together have particular challenges. The book goes into a lot of these challenges along with strategies to survive these types of times and even to have their relationship thrive. We will be sharing a series of these extracts over several weeks to help you. If you would like to look at all of them together and get the book right away, it can be found on Amazon (Book).
All of the issues we have addressed can have an impact on your sexual life with your partner. Acknowledge it and understand that everything is having an effect on your sex life. Don’t automatically assume that just because you are not using this opportunity to increase your sex life that your partner does not love you anymore. You are dealing with changes in your relationship, which will not necessarily be permanent. You are rediscovering each other, and this can bring about caution just as it can bring about excitement. There are things that are annoying you in ways that they did not before. Likewise, there are things that are bringing you closer to your partner that did not exist before this time, which might make one or both of you want to express more intimacy. Be graceful to yourself and your relationship in this area – don’t assume how it should be.
Giving yourself grace is important, but that does not mean that you should not do things that provide you the opportunities that you want to have. Go back and look at the section on date nights – do things that set you in the mood for intimacy, whether they lead to sexual intercourse or not. In fact, it can be freeing and rewarding to plan to experience intimacy without intercourse. Some people will have more freedom around this, especially if there are no children or other people in your space; however, work with what you have.
When there are few impediments to intimate times, and you and your partner both feel strongly connected because you have worked hard on developing things in your relationship during these times, sexual intimacy could occur a lot more frequently than you might have been used to before you were staying at home. If this is the case, while you may enjoy the feelings and the physical connections, also think about the possible consequences. If you are not prepared to have a child (your first or in addition to those you have), plan, and act accordingly. Here's the Book.
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