This article is extracted from “This is NOT a Second Honeymoon: Helping Couples Survive Spending A Lot of Time Together”, a book that was written by Christopher L. Smith to help couples during the COVID-19 pandemic. In his clinical work, he realized that couples being quarantined together have particular challenges. The book goes into a lot of these challenges along with strategies to survive these types of times and even to have their relationship thrive. We will be sharing a series of these extracts over several weeks to help you. If you would like to look at all of them together and get the book right away, it can be found on Amazon (Book).

Almost twenty years ago, I came to New York City, a place that I love. This city is a place where people are constantly in each other’s space, day after day, and even at all hours of the day. That is except in certain crisis times. I remember right after the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center (9/11) that New Yorkers were out and about less, and even when we were, there was more respect for each other’s space. Right now, we are in another of those rare times when the streets of our City and other former bustling places are almost empty, ghost towns. However, the places that are not empty are our homes, whether these be small crowded apartments that are so typical, brownstones, or even houses in the outer boroughs.

Right now, we are in another of those rare times when the streets of our City and other former bustling places are almost empty, ghost towns. However, the places that are not empty are our homes

This is NOT a Second Honeymoon— Christopher L. Smith

As you listen to those around you (politicians, media figures, experts), everyone talks about how challenging these times can be. As we journey through these pages, I want to explore with you a part of that challenge that is not talked about as much – the impact being together day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute can have on your relationship with your partner. There is a good chance that you have not had this sort of experience since your honeymoon (if you had one). However, being forced together in this sort of unplanned way does not feel like the newly married just enjoying each other time that a romantic honeymoon can be. The newness is not there; you know much more about each other and bring that baggage into the space; you do not feel carefree and have other worries; you might even have children around that change the dynamic. Our regular rhythms of life provide many opportunities for couples to be apart – work, exercise, hobbies, etc. There are rare instances where a couple may experience something similar to what many are experiencing now such as a partner loses a job, and the other partner has customarily stayed at home, extended vacations together especially if they feel more like obligations, recovering together at home following an accident and retirement (especially the early portion where you don’t yet have new things to do).

If you are finding yourself in a situation where you are spending all your time around your partner and feeling its impact on your relationship, you are in the right place, and the following pages will help you.

This is NOT a Second Honeymoon— Christopher L. Smith

The choices are greater than creating another child, getting a divorce, or both. There are other ways to navigate the challenges of your situation that will make the present time more peaceful for you and lead to strengthening your relationship for the future. As we continue, we will look at a number of the challenges that arise in these situations. They can range from being more bothered by things your partner has already done to realizing that you have difficulty communicating with each other to feeling that you do not have enough space that is your own. Having worked with countless couples over the last several decades, I have insights that each of their situations and relationships can shine on these situations. I have worked with these couples as a pastor, as a chaplain and probably more significantly as a licensed marriage and family therapist. For each challenge, we will explore some strategies that you can use to address them and find relief. Are you ready for this journey?