This article is extracted from “This is NOT a Second Honeymoon: Helping Couples Survive Spending A Lot of Time Together”, a book that was written by Christopher L. Smith to help couples during the COVID-19 pandemic. In his clinical work, he realized that couples being quarantined together have particular challenges. The book goes into a lot of these challenges along with strategies to survive these types of times and even to have their relationship thrive. We will be sharing a series of these extracts over several weeks to help you. If you would like to look at all of them together and get the book right away, it can be found on Amazon (Book).
This idea may initially seem to be contrary to the last two ideas. However, it really isn’t as you should use the previous two ideas as you work on this idea. One of the gifts that you have in the middle of these challenging times is time together. You can choose to use this time to address things for which
One of the gifts that you have in the middle of these challenging times is time together.This is NOT a Second Honeymoon-- Christopher L. Smith
you usually do not have the possibilities to address. There could be tough areas that are more complex that you usually have shied away from simply because you are afraid of opening up Pandora’s box – this is different than relitigating an old argument. There could be areas of feelings that you just don’t talk about because ordinary life has to go on, and talking about them or hearing about your partner’s feelings would typically just take too much energy. An example of this might be if there was a tragic event (such as the loss of a child or a pregnancy) that you never really talked about how it was continuing to affect you because “life had to go on.” This is a good opportunity to talk about these things and to share with each other.
By their nature, these are difficult things to communicate about and can have tender spots relationally. If you can make these dialogues good, then it could be really positive for the relationship. You usually don’t get the opportunity for this. As you initiate and engage about these things, be particularly sensitive to how your partner is dealing with the conversation. Be there for each other and show that you care even if some of these conversations can open up wounds for both of you. Here's the Book.