This article is extracted from “This is NOT a Second Honeymoon: Helping Couples Survive Spending A Lot of Time Together”, a book that was written by Christopher L. Smith to help couples during the COVID-19 pandemic. In his clinical work, he realized that couples being quarantined together have particular challenges. The book goes into a lot of these challenges along with strategies to survive these types of times and even to have their relationship thrive. We will be sharing a series of these extracts over several weeks to help you. If you would like to look at all of them together and get the book right away, it can be found on Amazon (Book).

A superior of mine once said that we were only to raise concerns or problems if we were willing to work as part of the solution (meaning be part of the committee that would solve the problem). While this is not an approach that I think is always the best, there is an element of it that helps look at the things that bother you. This goes beyond suggesting what they can do not to bother you. In fact, sometimes, by thinking about it a little bit, you can work out things you can do to mitigate the situation and make it so that you are not bothered, sometimes even without involving your partner.

Sometimes, you can do something to get rid of the problem before it bothers you. For example, you get upset that your partner does not squeeze the toothpaste to the end of the tube and leaves it squished all over, having pressed in the middle of the toothpaste. In this case, you could slightly alter your normal routine and push the toothpaste to the end of the tube before using it and after using it.

Sometimes, you can do something to eliminate the problem from coming up at all. Just alter things around the suggestion so that your partner is less likely to do the thing that bothers you. For example, you are bothered by your partner constantly mixing the good silverware with your everyday silverware. If you moved the good silverware

elsewhere or even just covered it with a dishtowel, would your partner be more likely to keep the everyday silverware with the other everyday silverware and out of your good silverware? A small change on your part could lead to the problem not arising to bother you. Here’s the Book.